


Run, run to me.

by x_avantgarde_x



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25962328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_avantgarde_x/pseuds/x_avantgarde_x
Summary: You have spent your whole life running after him, you only wish you had got to him on time.
Relationships: Ben Solo & You, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/You, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Kudos: 9





	Run, run to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched TRoS with my brother last night and finally brought myself to write something for my boy. This is pure angst and I'm the first one who cried like a baby while writing it.

You have spent all your life running after him, you believe.

It all started when you both were just kids. Your had basically grown up together, your parents friendship started back when the Rebel Alliance had been first conformed and it went on when your dad had took up Han's offer to join him on his missions; this made your mothers really on each other to raise you and your siblings. Ben and you where inseparable, there wasn't a day where someone didn't point out how unlikely it was for them to picture one of you without the other. Your mothers always told you about how you had always done everything together, from learning to talk to walking.

Even though you had always been a few steps behind Ben you always ended up on track with your best friend. 

Then came the time when Luke agreed with Leia about Ben leaving with him to start his Jedi training. Since Ben had been informed about this his mood had dropped, his smiles becoming fewer and fewer as the days approaches the date to his departure; and you had felt your best friend slipping from between your fingers, no matter how tight you clunched to him nor how fast you ran after him.  
It was a sunny morning the day he had left, it had seemed as the sky was mocking you as you saw Ben stepping inside the ship followed be his uncle. Heart clenching inside your chest as he waved you goodbye from the gate you did the only thing you could think about, you started to run chasing the ship as it raised on the sky above your head further from your grasp until you lost sight of it.

Years later you run after him when you got the news that Luke’s temple had been burnt down by the First Order. When after being told by everyone that he was dead, burnt down with all the other students, Leia told you the truth about how her beloved son and your lifelong friend had turned his back to the light and switched to the dark side you had waisted no time and left your home planet looking for him. 

You had spent this last year's running after him, too. Chasing for the boy you had lost on that ship all those years ago you had endured all that came within loving the man that stood now high in front of you, a man that had being carved from pain and torture and that you had held in your arms night after night as he cried himself to sleep from the weight that he held on his shoulders. Trying your best not to let that little kid to get lost in the dark that surrounded him, trying your best not to loose sight of him again because of a the walls that he had built around him to protect himself.  
And even through all of it, even through this endless game of chase that you had spent all your life playing with him you had stood by his side. You had admired him when you were kids, always so amazed about how much more he always was and trying to emulate him. You had loved him even from afar, when he had left you for his training, so proud of him and what he would becoming even if there was no place for you on this new life he was building for himself. You had loved him and staid with him even when for that you had had to leave your family and everything you believed in behind; even when being with him meant turning your back on everything you had once loved and stood up for with a heavy heart, for now you loved him and stood up for him.

And so now you find yourself running after him once again.

Thousands of stars gleam above your head, spaceships filling the infinity of the galaxy that stands over you. The rebels have won, it’s a statement that you’d been waiting for for years now. A thought that you had never dared to speak out loud, one that you fantasised with many nights and that filled you with happiness and joy was now as unimportant as those people that had stood in your way the day he left on the ship.   
Your soul and body ached, you had felt your self being torn into two the moment you had heard his voice on your head saying goodbye. You had already been chasing after him the moment you had seen him leave the ship, his words making you run faster that you ever had, pushing yourself to your limits repeating to yourself that you just had to run a little faster, get a little further to finally have him in your arms again. Repeating to yourself that you only had to try a little more to finally get to the ship and take that frightened kid out of it, to finally hold him in your arms before the dark side scarred and hurt him, to finally shield him from the world before he had to do it himself.

When you got to where he was you didn’t even have enough time to feel angry over that Jedi girl holding him, for your mind was only able to process the moment his, almost, lifeless body fell to the ground. And ignoring the ache in your lungs and legs and raged breathes you ran once more to him. 

Once you were laying by his side your body and soul ached equally as painfully as you hugged Ben's body close to yours, pressing your lips to his as gently as you could, resting your foreheads against the other's. And unable to say everything you wanted to let him know at that moment four words left your throat almost an ininteligible whisper "Please, don't leave me". Ben seemed to try and say something, but you tried to sooth him out of it has you saw how heavy his breath had become due to the effort.

There was too much you needed to say and so little time to say it all. You hurt to let him know that everything had ended, that it all had finished. You wanted to tell him that from now on it would just be the two of you, as you had always dreamt of, tell him about all those things you had promised each other as kids and how the would all come true, from living on you own on some idilic planet on the galaxy to traveling it all visiting all it's different places. You wanted to tell him about how there would be no pain any longer, just the two of you on a world of your own. But you were running out of time the ragged his breathes turned and for the first time since you had left the ship a few hours ago you thought that maybe you would leave that place all alone, a bunch of unfulfilled dreams and promises behind you.

Ben's lip parted once more, and with huge difficulty you heard him speak.

“I love you”.

You wanted to say it back. You wanted to let him know that you loved him too, that you had loved him since you were kids and you played hide and seek together on his mother's living room. To beg him to stay, to stay by your side and not to leave you alone. But you found yourself in a situation you knew all too well. Ben's body was fading from your arms, and as you felt his body leave your embrace you could feel a void taking over your chest.

And once you were clugging onto nothing but the air that surrounded you came across the realization that maybe it always was meant to be like this. That you were meant to spend all your life running after Ben, never to get to him.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at my tumblr @x-avantgarde-x 💋


End file.
